Summer vacation

I finally have some good news. After months and months of asking for the same bonus pay and vacation time that my wife gets, and being repetidly being told yes and then a few days later no again, I finally got it. I am getting three weeks of vacation for summer, instead of two weeks and one week of so important desk warming. My co-teacher is ecstatic too, because that means she does not have to come to school and babysit me for that extra week.

I also got back pay for eight months deposited into my account, with that and my after school classes that I am once again the top bread winner for my household and as such I collected my ball sack back from my wife yesterday. I also get to be on top from now on, which is good for me because my back door will have a chance to heal.

Now comes the difficult part, figuring out where I am going to spend three glorious weeks this summer. Right now we have our eyes set on China and Borneo, but it all depends on our actual vacation times matching up, which did not happen last winter and we were unable to go anywhere.

New co-teachers

My wife is lucky. She has been going through a slew of bizarre new co-teachers. I did not get any sensi-purse wielding crybabies, or giggling man-children. I did not get female versions of "Mr. Toad" or anything. All I got were three new co-teachers this year, two men and a woman. They all seem perfectly stable, and are all dreadfully normal and/or boring.

The female is a temporary teacher with the personality of a soggy loaf of bread. She sits in the back of the classroom and stares off into space until I call on her to translate something. And when I do, she looks shocked and confused, and may or may not spit out an accurate translation of what I say. We might share one or two words in between classes, about what subjects need to be covered, but mostly we just ignore each other.

The male teachers both speak excellent Englishee, one of them lived in Indiana for several years, has two or three doctorates, and taught at a University in Indiana. He is waiting for a job at one of the better Universities in the area and only took this job to make ends meet until then.

The other male has not lived abroad, but speaks really well, especially for someone who has lived in the sticks of Korea all his life. He has been teaching there for 13 years and came to our school because he wanted to teach in a bigger city, where the quality of the students would be higher. He is very disappointed, since my school is in an industrial area, and the students are poor we have one of the lowest ranking schools in the city.

My head teacher is even more disappointed in the bunch than I am. Not because of a lack of ability, but rather a surplus. She wanted the new Englishee teachers to work for her, and do her bidding, but since the dudes are incredibly over-qualified to teach they have both been made heads of other departments. So once again poor Mrs. Lee has only the temporary teacher to act as her slave, and temporary teachers don't have to show up until their first class starts and leave when the last one ends. She gets her at the most 6 hrs a day, so I am the only one left to do her dirty work. Unfortunately I just play dumb until she does whatever it is she wants me to do, until she does it herself.

Some people get all the luck.

In the loop

The day started out shitty, with the bus being late. I was 20 minutes late to work, but no one noticed. When I get to school, I first go to my office, in my classroom, which is on the ass end of the school. I am like a ninja in the shadows, slinking through unlit hallways silent as a ghost. Since no one sees me come in, and the VP and head teacher are busy in the morning, they don't actually know when I arrive. Sometimes they ask, if I go to the office to get some tea, and I just tell them "Oh I was in the classroom setting up for my next class."

Then I had my first couple of classes, which were normal, except that since we are having a test next tuesday (they told me yesterday) we needed to finish up the second chapter in our textbooks, with a section taking two weeks to complete, with only four days to do it for 8 classes, 4 of which I teach between now and the test.

The week previous I was ready to start on the second chapter, but the head teacher, and my co-teachers decided we needed another week to finish up the first chapter. They decided (last Friday, that I should teach the writing section that we had originally decided I should not teach). I rolled with it, and created lesson plans for it. They were going fine until Thursday.

On Thursday, they suddenly realized with the test only 4 days away, on the first two chapters, it might be prudent to start on the second chapter. So the last few classes, instead of taking lead, I have been taking a side seat. I was originally told that all they needed was the first five minutes of class, of course having no concept of time (otherwise they would have realized that covering two chapters in four weeks, might mean that you should cover every two weeks?) 30 minutes later I am left with maybe 15 minutes for me to breeze through my lesson plan which originally takes two 45 minute classes to complete.

Oddly, the last 2 classes I was scheduled to have (and I checked the schedule for changes) have not shown up. This usually means that they are combining classes, jamming over 50 kids into the tiny classrooms and gang-teaching the hell out of them. I am usually invited to participate in these teach-orgies as I am responsible for teaching certain chapters, and keeping track of individual class progress. However, I have not received a formal invitation, and have no Idea where on the six floors of the school the classes are being held, so I am not inclined to actually go out and find them.

What this means for me and my lesson plans....well, you never fucking know.

My vice principle

When I first started work, my Vice Principle had me sit down with her and enjoy a snack of tea and tok. She then started to tell me what to expect of the Korean children at our school in broken English. She told me to not be offended by the children because they like to touch each other, and will probably want to get their filthy swine flue ridden hands all over me. That really did not turn out to be true. The only time one of the kids have touched me is when one little girl poked me in the belly. I guess she wanted to see if I giggled like the Pillsbury dough boy.

She then told me to be very careful about touching the kids. I really did not think that was a problem. I have no desire to touch these kids at all.

"You be vely calfur about the touchee."

"Oh I dont think that will be a problem." I have no desire to touch children, I dont even hug the ones I got at home. I just wave at them from across the room, that's good parenting.

"In the news, I saw a teacher get fired. He touch a gilr on hip."

"Wow, he only touched her on the hip?" That seemed pretty harsh to get fired for just an accidental hip touching.

"Yes it vely big scandal, he get filed onry fol touchee on hip."

"That is terrible, I will be very careful about that." I said, now scared out of my mind about even brushing up against a child.

"Yes, he chase her, he ran aftel her vedy faah and he touch her hip."

So the dude actually ran down a terrified 13 year old, so he could rub his jinro soaked hands on the poor child's hips. Ok, maybe the dude should be fired.

I was more than a little insulted that my VP, who had known me all of 3 days, thought there was a chance that I might be running down her students and touching their hips. I know I might be a filthy foreigner, but it falls within the realm of common sense not to molest my students. You don't shit where you eat.

Of course other schools are fair game.

Dave is a filthy hip touching foreigner, and all the mods at the ESL cafe have a hip touching fetish as well.

I had a dream

Since I have been in Kimchi land I have had the weirdest dreams. Last night I dreamed that evil hippos operating a backhoe were trying to burn down my house. I stopped them by stealing one of their babies. Why were they trying to burn down my house? Because I had discovered that in 1977 the Government had tried to use a stimulus package like they are today, only they used it to pay artists and writers to create a catalog of free art works and novels for the populace. Some how it was covered up, but I found one of the old catalogs.

I do not have class again today, I have 4 classes tomorrow though. It is going to be a tough day though, we are going to combine all the classes tomorrow. I have to teach them Jingle bell rock, Hey Jude, and Dancing queen. That is a lot of material to get through. I cant believe how hard this job has gotten. I don't know if I can do it much longer, but I don't get vacation until the end of January. Man I am already exhausted from this intense schedule.

I have been baking bread lately, each loaf has been better than the last. The one I made last night was perfection. It was a nice light crusty loaf, chewy and tasty. It was not at all like the shitty bread you get in this country. It all tastes like wonder bread and is sickeningly sweet. I am glad to be a master baker again.

Dave is a piece of shit, the ESL cafe is for child molesters and Glen Beck fans, I wouldn't piss on any of the mods if they were on fire.

Pop song contest

What the fuck is up with this job. It is literally the easiest job I have ever had in my life. For example my job today is to look up english pop songs to show the class. I have all day to find 3 songs, one old pop song (Michael Jackson's smooth criminal), a Christmas song ( jingle bell rock), and a new pop song (I am still trying to choose one). Thats my job. Thats all I have to do. No classes yesterday, today, Monday or Tuesday.

At the most some days I will work four hours, usually its just 3 hours. Working for the school, I get paid less than at a some schools, but for only working 3 to 4 hours a day, with a month of paid vacation, sick days and such, who cares. I can deal with what 1 to 2 hundred dollars less a month for the lack of stress, and easiness of the work.

Looking up pop songs, are you fucking kidding me? I get paid for this?

Things are changing.

So first of all, starting next week I am not allowed in the Teachers office, lunch, breaks and between classes. When I don't have classes I may go to the teachers office. So what does that mean, it means I will only go to the teacher's office to get hot water for tea.

The Vice principal wants me to be in the Language lab full time, to allow students the chance to Converse with me one on one or in groups, for every break I get in the day. Right now I have a "Conversation Class" that is suppose to meet Tuesdays and Thursdays at 8:30 am (right when I get to work) for about 30 minutes. This does not count as teaching hours since it is just a conversation class, and not a regular class. And yet I have to make a lesson plan each week for this class.

Since I started the having "Conversation Class" two weeks ago, students have shown up once. Two weeks ago. I am not complaining mind you, I am fine with no one showing up, less work for me! I have not turned in a lesson plan for this class since first week and no one has noticed yet. So I have the appearance of more work, without the responsibility.

Going back to getting kicked out, it kind of sucks that I am basically losing one of my desks, and the occasional free food, company from other teachers. I am being banished to the other side of the school.

On the upside, I dont have to come into the Office and Bow to the Principal anymore, as currently I bow and "Anyang Hasseo" every morning and "Anyang Kesseo" when I leave as per instructions. Now I just go straight to my office, and leave straight from my office, no butt kissing required.

Another plus, with all this extra work of me sitting in my PRIVATE office in the Language lab, and no one showing up to talk to me(they would much rather hurl tennis balls and sandals at each other in the hallway), I will not have my shitty 3rd year classes anymore. Instead I will be watching videos and surfing the internet, not even pretending to work anymore.

Also, next year they want me to do Art Classes in English for extra Cash. I am down with that, I finally get to use that stupid fucking degree.

Third times the charm!

Today I am going to the gym. At least I am going to try again. I have been trying to join this gym that is kinda close to my school since monday, but have failed at every attempt. I choose to try to get a membership at this one because the one in the town I live in(which is larger and more convient) cost 85,000 won a month for a membership. That is pretty fricking steep. The one by the school is 30,000 won a month, or "not so fucking steep" as some might say.

On Monday(which was payday) it was not really I who failed, but stupid, fucking NH bank. For those of you that don't know NH bank is a pretty big bank in Korea, but it is also a farmer bank. They have big ass bags of rice sitting in the lobby for fucks sake. Well anyway, banks here close at 4:30pm which is when I get off work. So when I got to the bank, and my bank book(I dont have a bank card yet) would not work, I could not get any money out. So after randomly smashing buttons on the Korean language ATM (if I tried the English button it instantly failed) I had to concede victory to NH bank. You may have one this battle, but the war is not over yet...

The next day I was able to get off work early to go set up automatic gas payments at the bank. That is another weird little fun fact about Korea. When you get a gas bill, you pay it at the bank...I know crazy, right? It can be any bank, even if you don't have an account at it! Back in America, they wont even give you change for a dollar if you don't have an account with them! You can also set up automatic payments for a set period of time (at your bank), crazy but very convenient. So I was able to kill two birds with one trip to the bank, and set up my gas payments and get my monies out of the bank. Why did I kill two birds? Well that's my business.

So with thousands of Korean won in my sweaty little hand I went to the gym, next door to the bank. I went inside with a change of clothes, wearing my gym shoes, ready to join up and work out. But it was not to be! They would not let me in! Why, you ask? Because I did not have a second pair of shoes! They had a two shoe policy! How was I to know?

I knew that in a lot of places in Korea, for example my school, you wear slippers inside, and leave your shoes at the door. Of course you don't have to do that in grocery stores, or movie theaters, or aquariums or places like that. You have to in schools, homes, and some restaurants. I though the gym, where you don't wear slippers it would make sense just to need one pair! So once again I failed.

Today I have money, I have workout clothes(also a must for working out) I have extra shoes, so I should be able to do it! Unless I get hit by a bus or something on my way there. Its entirely possible.