Wednesday, December 15, 2010

New Job

I started my new job yesterday. Lets just say, it was interesting. The day started out with me getting totally lost on my way to work, I google mapped it the night before, but unfortunately it has been renamed and a new school has been built since google maps last updated. I showed up half an hour late, but all my boss had to say was "Well, at least you are here."

I should have taken that as a sign.

I spent the day just shadowing other teachers as they had the students, ages ranging from 8-19 do "work" of putting matching colors and shapes in separate containers. It seemed easy enough, so they left me alone with a barely functioning autistic/retarded kid who likes to wear shoes about 6 sizes too big and run wildly around the classroom, randomly knocking shit over. Well we sat down, and a co-teacher gave me gummy candies to entice him to do his "work". Unfortunately, his work turned out to be to very frustrating to him, so he immediately proceeded to claw the shit out of my arm.

The rest of the morning was uneventful. Unless you count when the jolly retard with the cart full of toy janitorial equipment was trying to tell me about his favorite toys.

"this is my mumble custom-toy owiol"


"I said, this my mumble cust-my owwl" He tried again, getting really frustrated.

"uhhhhhh.....OK" Said I.

"Your custom toy?" Supplied another teacher.

"this is my mumble stom-um told"

"Well that is great!" I said, hoping to end this train wreck of a conversation.

"this is my mumble ustom-oy told" Not wanting to leave until his point was made clear.

"Your custodial?" Someone guessed.

"Yeah, that's what said!" He said, aghast at our stupidity.

"Well say "Janitorial" next time!" Said the other teacher.

After lunch we went to the afternoon kids. That is when the two most terrifying kids in the whole school show up. Of all the kids, 8-19 the two most terrifying are a pair of Autistic kids, 8 and 9 years old, both under 4 feet tall, and rail thin.

I thought to my self "This is the worst you got?"and then I tried to get one to pick up a toy he threw. All hell broke lose as he tried to devour my hand, and my arm was once again clawed to shit. I had a pretty tough time, and another teacher ran in and we restrained the kid, and got him back to his seat, saying the hell with the toy he threw. Then the other kid melted down, and the 3'5", 60+ lbs kid took fully four teachers to restrain the snapping, clawing, twisting ball of animal like fury.

All in all, not a terrible first day of work.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010


Everyone knows that the job situation in the USA is fucking terrible. The moment we got back here, the wife was like "Lets apply to jobs like crazy."

And I was like "Awww, do I have to?"

And she was like "Yes! I am not going to piss away all our savings!"

So we both applied for jobs. She especially wanted us to apply to those in Edumacation so as we can gets our teaching degrees and go back overseas to teach English real good. She also was determined to stay down in Goat town, as opposed to rainy-town.

Two months later, I get called for an interview. Then I get a second call on Monday. Apparently I now have a job in the public schools as a teacher's aid. It comes with full benefits for the whole family. I get winter vacation, spring break, and summers off. And guess who is pissed.

"You shouldn't have taken that job!" She tells me. "I want to move back to rainy-town!" She growls. "You should quit!" Even though I have not had my first day yet.

I tell her, that it was her idea in the first place, and that it was everything that she wanted. So she tells me "You should not listen to me!"