First day of classes

Yesterday I returned to work, but since I had not created a schedule for the classes I would teach, I taught no classes.

Today is my first day of actual teaching I have scheduled 3 classes. My first class was scheduled for 10 am, so when students started arriving at 9:00 am, I told them too get the fuck out. They left. Were they suppose to be there? Who knows. I don't really care either. It might have been that they very well were suppose to come to class, since in Korea they will change your schedule at the last minute and not say a fucking word to you about it.

Last semester I was sitting in my private office, watching a movie when I heard noises coming from my classroom. I investigated and found a class full of Students sitting quietly, waiting for class to start. My co-teacher had an appointment or something and had asked the VP to come to the class in her place, however she had not bothered to let me know about the schedule change, and the VP had not bothered to show up.

So after turning on all the video equipment, and letting the monitors warm up, I taught about 25 minutes of class before the students went on their merry little way. Did I care? Hell no, I get paid the same no matter what. Show up or don't, come early, come late, all I have to do is turn on a DVD and say repeat after me for 45 minutes 20 times a week. I really cant complain.

So it is now a quarter after 11:00 and my first class has yet to show up. Was it re-scheduled? Who knows. Will i teach my next two classes today? Your guess is as good as mine. Does it matter? Not really. Welcome to Korea muther fuckers.

Lesson Planning

Since this is my first year teaching in Korea, I really have no idea how things work here. No one has said anything about lesson plans, classes, or what the fuck I am suppose to be doing every day. So I have spent the past month on facebook, talking shit about my co-teachers on this blog, and masturbating.

Recently I heard a nasty rumor that classes are actually suppose to start next Tuesday, Monday being a national holiday. I asked the head of the Englishee dept about it. She confirmed the Rumor.

"Well do you want lesson plans from me then?" Last year she wanted lesson plans from me, lesson plans which would be filed and ignored. They did not notice that for the last 2 months of the term I was either not turning in lesson plans, or turning the same ones in, over and over again.

"Yes"

"OK, What sections do you want me to teach?" We have a book and a CD ROM for our classes that are pretty much our classroom bible. We teach from the book and the CD and absolutely nothing else. I really don't know what we need the lesson plan for, since we just go through the book word, for word in the proper order.

"I dont know, I have to tark to odder teacher." We have three non-native, new Englishee teachers this year.

"OK, where are they?"

"They not come in today."

"But classes start on Tuesday."

"Yes"

"And you want lesson plans today?"

"Yes"

"Do you see the problem here?"

Being the head Englishee teacher she made an executive decision and told me the sections she wanted me to plan for.

Another slight problem is that I do not know how many classes there are, when they are, and how often they are. all I know is there are 3 grades, so I decide just to make one plan for each grade. I worked on them for an hour or so, then turned them in.

"Oh, these no good."

"Why?" She never had a problem with my plans before, and I pretty much copied in pasted them to make the new ones.

"We not use these books this year. Distlict have us use arr new book." That seemed like it might have been a good little piece of information to share with me.

"OK..." I was a little annoyed that I had used up almost an hour of facebook time for nothing. This job is so fucking hard! "Can I have the new book then?"

"We don't have yet."

"But classes start on Tuesday."

"Yes."

"And you want lesson plans today."

"Yes."

"But we don't have the books to plan the lessons."

"Yes."

"Do you see the problem here?"

Luckily there was one copy of the new books in the office, which I now claim as my own. So I spent another 15 minutes or so, adjusting the lesson plans for the new books. I am not going to bother showing them to her this time, I have facebooking to do.

Just when I get totally fed up...

I find out I am only teaching one class today. Normally on Tuesdays, like Monday and Friday I have 3 classes (heavy workload). My morning class was canceled, and my co-teacher says that the last class of the day is canceled as well. So that leaves one class right after lunch.

We are teaching the reading section of our textbooks for that one class today, and I don't do the reading part, so I am just riding shotgun in the class. All I am going to do is maybe read a few sections, ask a couple of questions, and stand there with a bored look on my face as my co-teacher translates everything into Korean.

Its a rough life. I have to put up with a lot of bull shit at this job, but it is the easiest fucking gig I have ever had.

My co-teacher even has it rougher. The poor lady is a temporary teacher, so she shows up 5 minutes before her first class starts (yesterday about 10 am, today around 9:30) and leaves when the last class is over (yesterday about 3pm, today the same probably). She still gets her hour lunch, so that makes such a long day more tolerable, but still such harsh conditions!

Its funny how the adminstration throws a shit fit if we leave early or don't come to school when there are no classes, but the a native Korean teacher can come and go as they please. Although she is plenty pissed that she has to come to two weeks of my conversation classes, she probably had a vacation planned! LOL!

Worst Christmas Vacation EVAR!

My Vice principle must hate children. Winter camps were canceled, but because of the administration and their new attendance policy over Vacation for ESL teachers, the VP instated the mandatory Englishee conversation classes.

Today we had a new announcement. Not only do the Kids have to come to school and practice Englishee for 3 hours a day for 3 weeks of their vacation, they will also have to take a test on what they learned. Twice.

That's right they have two tests that they will be graded on over the "Winter Break". How are classes and two tests a break? I really could not tell you.

Although it really sucks for the kids, I could not help but laugh at their disbelief and crying over the news. I could not imagine having to do this shit over my Christmas break! Oh wait, I have to teach the classes. I probably have to come up with the test as well. I will probably also become the most hated person in the school, since I will be associated with the pain and misery of these classes.

Well I guess it sucks to me as well.

Dave is a cunt.

Memior of a Banished teacher

Well its 2:00pm on my first day of banishment. So far I have had zero students come and chat me up. Usually in the teachers office, every break a dozen students stop in a talk to me. They at least say "hi" or something, usually a "How are you? I am So So" or maybe a "Teacher like...Kim Chi?" or some other Korean food.

I am not complaining though. I like being banished so far. Its a little bit boring, but I am not being bothered by stupid questions like "How are you? I am So So" or maybe a "Teacher like...Kim Chi?" or some other Korean food. I have less people looking over my shoulder as I surf the internets, and I can watch videos if I want on my giant 72 inch touchscreen monitor, so its pretty chill.

Lets see if any students take advantage of the new open door policy for english practice. I am betting no one will. I am hoping no one will. I hope the VP does not find out that no one is.

Things are changing.

So first of all, starting next week I am not allowed in the Teachers office, lunch, breaks and between classes. When I don't have classes I may go to the teachers office. So what does that mean, it means I will only go to the teacher's office to get hot water for tea.

The Vice principal wants me to be in the Language lab full time, to allow students the chance to Converse with me one on one or in groups, for every break I get in the day. Right now I have a "Conversation Class" that is suppose to meet Tuesdays and Thursdays at 8:30 am (right when I get to work) for about 30 minutes. This does not count as teaching hours since it is just a conversation class, and not a regular class. And yet I have to make a lesson plan each week for this class.

Since I started the having "Conversation Class" two weeks ago, students have shown up once. Two weeks ago. I am not complaining mind you, I am fine with no one showing up, less work for me! I have not turned in a lesson plan for this class since first week and no one has noticed yet. So I have the appearance of more work, without the responsibility.

Going back to getting kicked out, it kind of sucks that I am basically losing one of my desks, and the occasional free food, company from other teachers. I am being banished to the other side of the school.

On the upside, I dont have to come into the Office and Bow to the Principal anymore, as currently I bow and "Anyang Hasseo" every morning and "Anyang Kesseo" when I leave as per instructions. Now I just go straight to my office, and leave straight from my office, no butt kissing required.

Another plus, with all this extra work of me sitting in my PRIVATE office in the Language lab, and no one showing up to talk to me(they would much rather hurl tennis balls and sandals at each other in the hallway), I will not have my shitty 3rd year classes anymore. Instead I will be watching videos and surfing the internet, not even pretending to work anymore.

Also, next year they want me to do Art Classes in English for extra Cash. I am down with that, I finally get to use that stupid fucking degree.

I'm lovin it.

I was teaching a class one day, and in the lesson there was a story about a dog named Yeppie who destroyed someone's flower garden. Naughty Yeppie! Well anyway, I was interacting with the class and asking what should the owner do with his dog? Should he keep Yeppie inside? Should he keep Yeppie on a leash?

One girl raised her hand and said "Eeh sherd eeet Yeppie."
Now I was pretty sure I misheard that. "He should beat yeppie? No you shouldn't beat your pets." I said.

"No" she said "Eeh sherd eeet Yeppie!" and then she mimed eating, a delicious albeit naughty dog.

I was shocked! I asked my co-teacher "You don't really still eat dogs here? Do you?" she just laughed and smiled. Then I asked the class who had actually eaten dog in the class, and half the students raised their hands.

People love to eat meat in Korea, almost as much as in the US. But they also eat dog, which is uncommon in the US, unless you count corn and hotdogs. Here they have restaurants that specialize in dog meat stew.

When I first decided to come to Korea, I thought that was a myth. That eating dog was a racist stereotype, that might have been true in the past but they are a civilized, modern country that would not do that now, right? For some reason I equated a modern public transportation system and abundantly available high speed internet with not eating dog.

For those who read my blog(both of you) it is important to realize that my family and I are Vegans. We are tree-hugging, earth saving, liberal, leftist, socialist, atheist, vegans and we love it. Although I was shocked to find out that they still eat dog here, when I stopped to think about it, it is really worse than eating any other animal?

My wife says yes definitely. It is more wrong to eat a smart animal. So according to her it would be worse to eat a pig (smarter than a dog) than a dog. Cow would fall below dog, but above chicken, who would be above fish. Fish would be above clams, and clams would be above Glen Beck fans.

She also says if it can love you, you shouldn't eat it. I say that I don't really believe that dogs love you, sure they might like you, but occasionally they rip our faces off. Is that love? Maybe a chicken could love you too. You never know unless you give it a chance.