Potty time

As a general rule, I use the teacher's restroom exclusively at my school. However sometimes I have to take a piss and I don't want to take a half mile hike to the one clean restroom in the school, so I hop down the steps and brave the one halfway decent men's restroom.

By halfway decent I mean only a little bit of shit smeared across the walls, and just a few puddles of urine around the toilet and doorway. Not painted brown speckled with bits of paper chewed gum and the floor covered with a lake of urine like the others.

I don't know how it is at other schools, but the kids at my school are fucking animals. They even groom each other in the classroom picking through each others hair, looking for ticks like the monkeys on animal planet or something.

They run screaming through the halls, wrestling and smashing shit. They litter like its going out of style, they pretty much tear anything and everything off the walls that is not securely bolted down. They break absolutely everything they touch, and they touch absolutely everything.

When they are not destroying things, they are constantly fighting with each other, wrestling, slapping, punching, kicking and pinching. If they are not busy beating each other, they are grooming or...beating each other.

They have all learned my classroom motto:

"No touching!"

Not even the nice kind.

Bad students

During one of my third grade classes my co-teacher called on a pair of students to read a simple dialogue, in Englishee. The students stared at my co-teacher, then at their books. They looked at me and looked at their books. They looked at my co-teacher, and then looked at their books. My co-teacher told them to read the dialogue in Korean. The students stared at my co-teacher, then at their books. They looked at me and looked at their books. They looked at my co-teacher, and then looked at their books.

I told them what to say. My co-teacher told them what to say. The students around them, tried to help them, but still they looked totally confused, and stayed mute. I told them to sit down and practice, I would call on them again later. I was annoyed, the class seemed to prefer talking in Korean to practicing the dialogue, I was use to this by now, but for some reason decided to make an example out of this pair. I called on the other students to do the dialogue, and no matter how terribly they did it, I gave them candy.

We practiced another dialogue; I told the students that they would perform it. I told them exactly what to say. I gave them 5 minutes to work on it in pairs. I then called on them to read the dialogue.

The students stared at my co-teacher, then at their books. They looked at me and looked at their books. They looked at my co-teacher, and then looked at their books. My co-teacher told them to read the dialogue in Korean. The students stared at my co-teacher, then at their books. They looked at me and looked at their books. They looked at my co-teacher, and then looked at their books.

This time I was angly. “You are in Englishee Class!” I yelled. “When I tell you to practice a dialogue in English, you better practice the fucking dialogue!” I told the students to sit down and practice the dialogue, I that I would call on them each time until they got it right. They sat down, faces red with embarrassment.

I called on more students and gave them candy. I wrote the next dialogue on a white board, I yelled at the entire class to practice the dialogue. I called on the same pair of students, and they did the blank stare routine again. “How the hell are you not getting this?” I yelled. “I wrote it down, I told you exactly what to say! Its only two sentences!” I warned them that I would call on them every fucking class until they finally figured out how to practice the dialogue. I had my co-teacher translate into less angry Korean, so there would be no misunderstanding. Then I dismissed the class.

After the class both my co-teacher and I stood there shaking our heads. “What the hell is their problem?” I asked him. “Could I have made myself any clearer about practicing the fucking dialogue?”

“Oh don’t brame self.” He told me. “Out of the entire plovence they score da rowest. Our schoor getting special funding for da student. Da plincipar say don’t feel bad if dey no rean anything, dey retarded.”

“Why the hell did you wait until now to tell me that?” Because now I feel like a real asshole.

Self destructive

On friday I ran up an escalator and hurt myself. While still recovering from that fiasco, I decided to work out today. While warming up, so I don't hurt myself, I hurt myself.

Something in my back snapped like a rubber band pulled too tight. My back muscles have been spasming ever since. I have spent the day in pain, and I am sure that by tomorrow morning I will be too stiff to get out of bed.

I have had problems with my back, on and off since 1997 when my first injury occurred, and I was too young and dumb to claim worker's comp. I was working in a grocery store back home, when I was stacking cases of soda, I felt something slip in my back, and haven't been the same since. Of course it was years later, after the business I was working for had folded that I realized the extent of the damage I had done to my spine.

Since then I have gone years without problems, only to over-excerpt myself or just sneeze and throw my back out.

The simple fact is, I am just getting too old for this shit...

Cussing in class

I have noticed a lot of my students will throw out the occasional "Shut the fuck up" or "Piece of shit", not at me of course, they love me. They will yell it at other students, however both my co-teacher, who speak decent Englishee (Since they don't actually say Engrish here) never seem to notice. I notice, but I don't really give a fuck if those pieces of shit say those things.

I have wagged an occasional finger at my students, and said "Hey don't say that" Only because I don't want them to get in trouble. I don't want them to get in trouble because that means they get the cane, which in return only seems to rile them up more in my opinion.

It seems like my co-teachers don't really know the good curse words, or if they do, they don't care. On the other hand, my teacher wouldn't let them listen to Justin Timberlake's "Bringing Sexy Back" in class because it was "Rude for the students".

I will never understand Koreans...



PS. Dave is a fucking, piece of shit, asshole, douche bag. He and all his mods can fall through the floor of a squat toilet and drown.

Banned!

I have been banned from the ESL cafe!

I feel like a virgin on prom night! I was just raped by one of the moderators! I cant believe I got banned, my comment was quote " I am under 6"2 and the girls say I am too big after I take my pants off :)" .

Wow, that was a bannable offense? I have to agree with asmith on this, somebody needs to make a new forum. If I knew how to do it, or if I was not too lazy, I would start one!

Wow, I mean WoW! That got me banned? Not when I called Van Islander a douche bag (which he is), not when I told someone else they were retarded, but when I said that girls say that my penis is too big. I guess Dave has some insecurity about things like that.

I guess little dicks have to act like big dicks when someone might be unintentionally making fun at their expense. Sorry Dave! I didn't know your little man syndrome stemmed from your pants.