You better not blog about this!

"You better not blog about this!" is a threat I receive daily from Mrs. Superfantabulous. It is OK if she blogs about my manorexia, or bouts with soju but should I mention the batshit crazy stuff she does, it somehow violates her privacy.

That is why I wont blog about how since our children went back to the USA she has become a Howard Hues like shut in, never leaving the house except to go to work.

I will not blog about how she slapped me in the face while on a crowded bus, because I happened to be singing the song 99 problems to myself.



I also will not mention how when waiting for a bus, she decided to head butt me, and then said to me accusingly "Why did you do that?" or how this morning, she decided to take a shower, disrobed then spontaneously started doing stretches in front of our wide open windows, much to the delight of any Korean who happened to be wandering by at the time.

For respect for my wife and her privacy I will not be blogging about any of these things now or in the immediate future, because I am a good husband.

Hellie Pol-tor

If you teach English in Korea, you are asked about what you like on a daily basis.

"Teacher, you like Kimchi?" For example. If you have not been asked this one million times then you are not teaching in Korea. The other standbys are if you like "rice", depending on your sex Korean "women or men", Korean food (which for some reason is a separate category from rice and kimchi), and various K-pop bands and Korean celebrities that are virtually unknown to anyone not born on the peninsula.

However there was one thing I kept getting asked that I had no Idea what it meant.

"Teacher do you like Hellie Pol-tor?" I would be asked randomly

"What?"

"Hellie Pol-tor?"

"What the hell is that?" I had no idea what the fuck they were asking me, and one student in particular would ask me it about my opinion of "Hellie Pol-tor" once every two weeks. The student who asked was actually one of my better students, and spoke English fairly well, but would get very frustrated when I asked him to explain what the fuck a "Hellie Pol-tor" was.

I eventually figured out that it was a movie, but did not know if it was Korean or mainstream. Then one day I was browsing movies at the local library when all of a sudden it hit me. "Hellie Poltor" was known in America as "Harry Potter", one of the most popular book and movie franchises of the recent decade.

I cant believe it took me like 6 months to figure that out.

Random

Kay I was just sitting here reading Danielle's Blog when one of students comes up to me.
"teacher"
"What?"
Then she jabs her little kimchi finger on my face, and then shows me that it is covered with goo. WTF? She then runs off and I think she rubbed it on a couple other faces. I ask some of the milling students what the fuck was that? Hoping desperatly that it was not a body fluid, but rather some sort of skin conditioner or something.

They tell me its cream, and it sounds like they are saying "Shoe cream"? I point at my foot, "Shoe cream?" I ask.

"No, no" they discuss it amongst them selves and try "Cake cream?"
"Frosting?" I ask, and they nod yes. I just got a money shot of frosting across my cheek? WTF? I swear I will never understand these kids. At least I get to go home now, for 3 whole days. YAY!

Merry X-mas everyone. Except dave and the esl cafe mods. Fuck you guys. I hope you all get beat downs for christmas.