Sunday, April 4, 2010

That time of the month.

I would like to dispute some lies written about me.

"I forbade him from killing Yau Guai in Fallout 3. I'm well known for my devotion to god, the gays, hopeless little douchey dinner dogs and pixilated endangered species! Why should he be allowed to run around the imaginary 50's themed nuclear wreckage killing poor giant beasts and eating their flesh when all they're trying to do is get by in a cruel, cruel, radioactive world? "

First of all, I don't go around murdering fake endangered species and devouring their flesh. I don't eat any flesh, be it real or pixilated. I am a vegan in real life and in fake life. That is why I, unlike my wife, took the time to make sure that when I leveled up, my charisma was high enough for me to obtain the animal friendship perk. Although I admit to whacking a couple of giant mole rats, only for quest purposes, I however felt no joy from it.

"I decide now is the perfect time for us to 'spend time together'. I follow him, crawl over him, and flop down beside him. He seems slightly unhappy with me. I can tell cause he's glaring at me.
"What are you glaring at me for?"
"That hurt!"
"Yeah! You just dug your bony fucking knees into my back! You have the whole bed to crawl around on, why do you have to pick the one part I'm on!"
That seemed pretty funny to me. I laughed and he stormed off."

OK, this actually happened. But I am sure that had anyone else had 135lbs of boniness hop onto their back that they would greet the situation with anything but enthusiasm, unless they are into that whole S&M thing, which I will not judge you for, no matter how perverted and disgusting of a human being you may be.

"This is by far the likeliest culprit: Mr. AwesomeEstrogen is on his man-rag. Like man-flu, man-rag is a serious life-threatening affliction with debilitating symptoms you women can't even begin to comprehend! Luckily, it only happens once or twice a month and all will be back to normal in 3-5 days."

If I was on my "Man Rag" I would be the one following her around, alternating between unrelenting nagging, physically abuse, and constant attention seeking. It may be that someone else is about to receive a visit from aunt flow, and I am simply the victim of a conspiracy being framed for having a mangina.

I say if the tampon does not fit, you must acquit!


  1. When i play fallout 3 i make sure i get the perk that allows me to eat people. And the one that allows me to seduce/kill women easier because I am a long legged mackdaddy in all facets of my life

  2. Cannibal and lady killer, nice. I have lady killer, but since I a vegan, I don't do the corpse devouring.