Christmas presents

When my sister in law returned to the states, my wife and I bought about $100.00 worth of fancy korean rice cakes, cookies and fermented bean paste thingies from the Hyundai department store. They were all in fancy packaging with Englishee descriptions of the contents. One description said that "the taste is quite tedious", and I wish I read that before I bought the darn things.

All my wife's family and my parents and younger brother were at her aunt's house for Chirstmas, so we thought they would love to try something new, fancy and exciting. Well my sister in law brought them out, and apparently only two people tried them, (two of my wife's cousins) and they said "they taste weird". No shit they taste weird, they are made out of fucking rice, like every god damn thing in this country.

My parents and brother showed up late, so my sister in law held back a box to give to them. They tried the candies and liked them. They also thought they were weird tasting, but good. For 100,000 won they better god damn taste good!

One of the best parts of traveling to other countries is trying the local foods. And if you are not the one traveling, to have strange delicacies sent to you is the next best thing. To not even taste something that was sent over 3000 miles, just for you is unforgivable in my book.

I cannot even find images of the stuff we sent over, and I really wanted to post some, they were so cool looking. They looked like eggs, and kiwis with flowers and fancy designs.

And people say koreans are afraid to try new things.

Its goddam candy, how bad could it taste? Its not like the shit is filled with kimchi and dog testicles. Well maybe a couple of them are, but still that would be something you never could forget, even if you wanted to.



Dave eats pieces of shit like you for breakfast, and you are what you eat. The mods at ESL cafe get off two girls one cup style.

Sexy time

Yesterday after the ordeal with the test kwestions, I went home early! First I got invited to lunch.

"Would you rike to have runch with us?"

"Oh I dont know, what is lunch?"

"It is lice soup and Kim-chi."

"Oh that sounds good."

"With the juice of chicken, and dog."

"You know what, I am not really hungry."

I hear that Korean men eat the dog soup to Increase their Libidos and cure hangovers. I guess they are somehow related. But I need no help with my Libido my friend. I went home yesterday, and the kids were at Piano, my sister in Law was back in the states, and my wife was alone, in the bedroom. I was in the mood for some afternoon delight.

"Hi honey"

"What are you doing here?" (she is speaking to me again)

"I got out early, lets fuck."

"No."

"Why not"

"The kids are at piano, so I am writing my final." My wife, unlike me has no TESOL certification, and therefore gets 100,000 won less than me each month. In her contract it says once she gets a TESOL or TEFL 100 hour certification, she gets that bump in pay.

"All I am asking for is 5 minutes of your time."

"Quit trying to distract me, I have procrastinated enough, and I need to finish this!"

Dejected and neglected, I went to the living room and masturbated. I should have expected it though, I have been married for almost 13 years now. We already had sex this month, twice. Remember how angry she was at me for my Soju bender, well the night Asmith blogged about us we made sweet sweet love. I am not giving Asmith credit for it though, it was just a coincidence. That man doesn't need his ego to get any bigger than it already is.

It took me about a year to learn how to make that woman Cum during intercourse, but 13 years later, she had about 8 orgasms that night. The trick is getting the first one, I would compare the woman to a diesel engine on a cold winters day. It wont turn over until you get it nice and heated up, that oil needs to be nice and hot so that all the parts are lubricated and turning, and once you get that first ignition things run nice and smooth.

Then we had sex the following morning. She had 10 orgasms in the morning, which is surprising because she is not a morning person.

So I probably wont get another crack at it until Christmas, but you never know, I might have to wait till new years, if she reads this entry.

The ESL cafe is for queers, and chronic masturbaters. Dave and all the mods put the bag in Douchebag.